If you are a dude, and you wear skinny jeans, odds are I fucking hate you. You and I could have several things in common. Maybe a few shared experiences. Maybe you’re even a funny delightful giving person. Doesn’t matter. I fucking hate you because you wear skinny jeans.
For those of you not in “the know” skinny jeans are those tapered, low rise denim nightmares that look like acid washed tights.
No man, and I mean NO MAN should ever EVER fucking wear this things. You look like a punk emo bitch and I say this with no fear of retribution because the only thing you could ever do in retort is cry into your Good Charlotte pillow or maybe angrily grind the curb in front of my house on your skateboard. The only piece of solace I get is that those jeans are probably so tight around your genitalia that you will be unable to reproduce.
I saw some fat fuck at the gas station in skinny jeans. Let me tell you, as a openly chubby man, this is not your look brother. No shoulders, fat middle and twig legs do not drive the ladies wild like they used too. That ship has fucking sailed, so do some sit-ups or buy a nice baggy pair of cargos tubs.
I know what your thinking. “Well I’m safe, no skinny jeans here”
Not so quick. Do you own any Affliction or Xtreme Couture gear? Well asshole, its your lucky day ‘cuz I fucking hate you too.
Now this is a totally different crowd then the skinny jeans crew. These people could probably fuck my world up (what with all the steroids their on) but I’m gonna roll the dice and figure they can’t read, let alone figure out how to make the “Magic Porn Typin TV” get to this website.
These no neck MMA wanna bes are even worse douche bags then the skinny jeans crew because they pose a menace to general society. Also they are all rapists. Bet you didnt know that. Every Affliction or Xtreme Couture shirt ( which is sold at fuckin MENS WAREHOUSE) can only be sold to someone who has evidence of a sexual assault they have committed.
I would love to turn a whole heard of juiced up rape happy Affliction boys loose on a skinny jeans “Saves the Day” concert. I would stand on a giant tower in the center and every 5 minutes I would drop some asshole wearing Ed Hardy in the mix just to see where he falls on the rape or be raped ladder.
My only fear is that somewhere is all the anus tearing chaos some sort of awful hybrid would be spawned, which would ultimately bring society to its knees as some sort of douche bag messiah.
Maybe something like this…….