Hello and welcome to a new feature here at moleholeradio.com, “Vintage Topo Blogs Revisited”. The internet Legend known as El topo started long ago. His classic blogs and posts helped him to achieve the glory that you all know and love today.

In today’s installment we look back at the greatest song ever written, “I Kissed a Girl” by the very busty and very beautiful, Katy Perry.

Katy Perry
Original song title ” I have awesome rockin’ tits”

Every so often a piece of music is produced that is so profound it changes you as a person. Upon first listen, the sound of “I Kissed a Girl” is almost to much to take. Dazzled by it’s auditory magic, you are taken to a place that you thought simple harmonies and melodies could never take you. It’s a bittersweet journey because you know in just mere minutes this sabbatical from the real world will end. As the music fades away, like a heroin junkie needing a fix, you desperately need more. The purpose of your life becomes clear; You have to get this song. It must be yours so that you can hear it again. As you open iTunes chasing the dragon, the force of your fingers almost causes the destruction of your mouse.
Well friends, I’ve found such a piece of music, such a work of art, “I kissed a girl” By Katy Perry. Today I’d like to take a closer look at this masterpiece of sound and wonderment. For reference sake here’s the video for said masterpiece

I’ll give you a few minutes to wipe the excess baby oil from your hand and, well, other regions.
I’ll begin by deconstructing the lyrics. A building is only as strong as the bricks in it’s foundation. Lets begin.
“This was never the way I planned
Not my intention

The intrigue begins. Often times we have to face challenges when we’re not prepared to face them; This is what it is to be a hero. These two simple lines are drawing us into a gauntlet of drama and confusion.
I got so brave, drink in hand
Lost my discretion

But our hero isn’t afraid not in the least. If anything, she laughs at the Dangers on the horizon as she mocks her own fears by carelessly slugging backs various spirits. Her vision begins to blur, things go numbĀ  and alcohol’s seduction takes control.
It’s not what, I’m used to
Just wanna try you on
I’m curious for you
Caught my attention

Here we find that Coors light and fuzzy navels are not the only things seducing our hero. No, something new and shinny has caught her eye. Like a child to a go-cart she is amazed, fascinated and mesmerized. She’s now like a moth to a flame. Her actions are barley her own and adventure is certainly around the corner.
I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it

Ah lesbianism; The taboo explored. She sunk her teeth bit in the forbidden fruit only to find that the apple is indeed sweet. Sweet as honey covered in pie filling. This is also a great stanza of lyrics due to it’s promotion of chapstick. Not only is this song a creative zenith, it’s a marketing juggernaut. In these tough economic times, any effort to stimulate the economy should not be over looked.
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
Oh Katy, you ironic little tart ! No boyfriend would ever mind this. Besides being constantly erect from either playing with Katy’s mammoth melons or thinking about times when he played with the aforementioned monsters, the boyfriend of miss Perry would continue be a very happy man upon witnessing this blessed union of lips and souls. Quickly he would look to point this event to the next owner of a penis he could find. A large smile would come across his face as he high fived ever guy in the room.Very little is said and only one word is broadcast to those in earshot ……..”BOOSH !”

It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight

Conflicted, she struggles with her emotions. Are things really so black and white or is love just various shades of grey? (mixed with pink lip balm)
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

A bold statement of personal freedom and empowerment, sung with such verve and emotion almost brings a tear to Zeus’ eye

No, I don’t even know your name
It doesn’t matter,
You’re my experimental game
Just human nature

The excitement of investigating the mystery of the pink clam has yielded fasinating returns. Some questions have been answered while others remain in the shadows. Throwing caution to the wind and blurring the lines of her own sexuality our hero lays to waste the being she thought she was before. She has expanded the limits of who she thought she was. Understanding is reached only through confrontation and she has confronted things head on and so her enlightenment has begun. It’s human nature to want to embrace every new experience. Now she has witnessed her perfect moment and she is born anew
It’s not what
Good girls do
Not how they should behave
My head gets so confused
Hard to obey

More interpersonal conflict. Our hero has seen the walls that society has set in place are nothing more then a prison for the soul. That goodness is closest to conformity. But what do you do when everything you know is a lie ? You are damned to follow and damned to break from the mold

I kissed a girl and I liked it
The taste of her cherry chap stick
I kissed a girl just to try it
I hope my boyfriend don’t mind it
It felt so wrong
It felt so right
Don’t mean I’m in love tonight
I kissed a girl and I liked it
I liked it

Remembering how she felt, it’s clear that she can no longer live a lie. The events of her journey spin around her head like a kaleidoscope of chaotic joy.

Us girls we are so magical
Soft skin, red lips, so kissable
Hard to resist so touchable
Too good to deny it
Ain’t no big deal, it’s innocent

She has accepted the glory that is women. These verses may be the most heartfelt testament to the fairer sex that I’ve ever heard. Where a song like ” I Am Moman Hear Me Roar” is a battle cry, a raised fist in the air, this is more of a gentle hug that you share after a round of margaritas. Look down at your vaginas with pride ladies. Those things be magic.

now pull a rabbit out of there

I love you Katy Perry. Thank you so very much. Nothing will ever be the same again.

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