Here, let me help by giving you an outstanding example, Facebook (if you don’t know what Facebook is, how the fuck did you get to this site?) conflicts me.
It’s how I re-connect with people, check in on friends, spout off nonsense and promote this site. For those reasons, you could say I am a fan. Thank you Facebook, thank you.
Farmville and Mafia Wars are 2 reasons (of many) I am not. I mean this with no disrespect to my friends on Facebook, and while I am sure that you only need 2 more cabbages to get your barn, or you need me to “Team up” to virtually murder someone, you must simply understand that I DONT GIVE A SHIT!
Sweet fucking god, how much time do you have on your hands to get that many things done in a virtual criminal or agrarian society? Your virtual farm is more productive then my tangible office. And why the hell do you need to tell me about it? Shit, there are things that I am actually proud of that I don’t bother posting on Facebook because I don’t wanna boast or look like that jerk off that simply doesn’t stop posting.
My one hope is that these people are simply not aware of that fact that while they are enjoying an online game they are not aware of the fact that they are spamming my goddamn home page. Thats the hope. I doubt it, but a boy can dream right?
I get the basic idea behind Mafia Wars, and have even (albeit briefly) played similar games, but what the fuck is Farmville? Out of nowhere this shit hit Facebook and spread like syphilis thru Baltimore. The best I can surmise (since I refuse to play it, become addicted to it and therefore have to define Irony) its like “The Sims” but on a farm with no fences because random animals keep wandering on the mother fucker to be found. Then like a virtual Amber Alert for recovered digital livestock, someone need to notify me about it. On top of that your building houses and stables out of carrots and dreams? And you asking me to help out with this shit? What happened to the self sustaining farmer? No cowboy would ask for help, let alone even consider keeping a brown sheep.
Whats really funny is that real farmers probably play “Officeville” where they get to post about “Stack of profit reports has wandered onto my desk” or “Steve is getting ready to build a Herman Miller Chair”. That is if they have any god damned time to play, since their job is literally nothing but honest hard work.
I wish Farmville was more like real farming. Like old school wild west farming. Where it woke you up at the crack of dawn to find out cattle rustlers stole the whole herd, the bank is gonna foreclose any minute and the “the boy’s got the cholera”. Now thats a game.
* Editors note: conflict makes more sense then what I had originally which was irony. Also, up yours.