if you listen closely you can hear El Topo crying
If you listen closely, you can hear me weeping. A lot.


Oh, the things that show up in my feed. Let’s take them point-by-point.


Cops are criminals: Yes, some of them are. If you murder someone or beat them for no just reason, the general consensus is that you’re a criminal. Obviously not always, but a popular theme that goes with this sorta garbage is the “all or nothing “approach to everything. You either support all cops, or you hate all cops.


yup nothing to see here.move along
Yup, nothing to see here. Move along.

Criminals are victims: Well, define criminal. If you actually committed a crime, then fuck you. You’re not a victim. Despite whatever your background is, you have the ability to not continue to perpetuate that cycle you came from. The onus is on you. But, if someone is wrongfully accused of a crime, and is punished; it’s not an overstatement that person is a victim. But then, that person isn’t a criminal, right? Of course not. But to simply assume every single arrest is by the book and above board is naive at best and downright idiotic at worst. We’re living in a country where a guy was killed for selling loose cigarettes, and where a man was Imprisoned in solitary confinement at Rikers island for 3 years awaiting trail . So, again, the Facebook feed whiffs on the nuances important to a language.


People who don’t work get a free ride. I would argue that no one gets a free ride. I suppose this is meant as a statement against government aid. Because God forbid the government help the poor. Instead, the government should help millionaires and billion-dollar corporations save as much money as possible. This is one aspect I don’t understand about people who supported Bush 2D2 and I guess by extension, Republicans. Unless you make a shit-ton of money, Republicans hate you. Fact.

Live from the RNC


Desecrating the American Flag is Acceptable. According to who exactly ? A few  photos of Lil’ Wayne standing on the flag? A photo that was taken completely out of context, by the way.


but he's black too so clearly he's a liar
We should be more incensed by his stomping all over the basic customs of fashion.

This is a totally fabricated issue, created by people that want a easily shareable method to say “See? look at kids these days! They hate America!” You can practically hear their jowls smacking together.


Cross-dressers are called heroes.  Or as the meme so eloquently puts it,”heros,” whatever the fuck those are. Now, if you would, take a moment and let the air of bigotry wash over you. Does it smell of gun oil and bacon?  Not much to say here really, this is just a soft way of saying “aren’t those freak trans people gross? What would Jesus do ? I bet he’d spit on them!”


Jesus is tired of your pussy shit !
Back up in that ass with the Resurrection.

It’s painfully transparent (sorry) that this is just more hate speech. I’m noticing a theme.


A hero sniper is called a coward. See my previous statement about the “All or Nothing” approach when you read this meme. It’s true that a lot of disparaging things have been said about Chris Kyle; the titular American Sniper. However, seemingly most, if not all of the criticism that was aimed at Kyle was based on the fact that many of the stories in Kyle’s book were moderate-to-flat-out American Bullshit. Jesse Ventura actually won a defamation lawsuit against Kyle’s estate. I feel like most of Kyle’s detractors would agree that his service to his country is admirable. However, here again you either love Kyle, and think he’s Jack Kirby and Joe Simon’s creation come to life; minus the circular shield, or you’re a monster that hates a war hero. And by proxy, America. There’s no room  in the hero construct for him to be anything other than flawless.

you must praise your sniper god and his plastic offspring!
Sniper made in America, baby definitely made in China.


Spoiler alert: this one may be my favorite.


Obama Negotiates with Terrorists: Oh! Do you mean like George Dubs did ? Or Bush one did? Or how motherfucking Ronald Reagan did? Note to young people: Ronald Reagan is basically a demigod to old Republicans.


It’s in the Goddamn title!


A simple Google search will garner enough results to your head spin about America’s back door deals with shady characters. See how I said AMERICA not just OBAMA ? All presidents are guilty of this, no one’s hands are clean. This is another example of a statement that is fueled by nothing but pure, willful ignorance. All of that, and I didn’t even get into how the word “terrorist” is such a lazy catch-all that can be shaped to mean any person or people that aren’t in favor at the moment.


We supply guns to drug Cartels, yet disarm our own citizens. As far as the first part of this goes, see my above statement about shady deals. While this, from my understanding, is only a half-truth at best; I’ll give you this one. Sure, America has stuck it’s dick in some disreputable places. Fine, we’ve all been there. The second part though? Did I miss the mass contingent of federal agents going door-to-door and absconding with all of your firearms ? Yes you can’t buy a fucking rocket launcher (unless you’re in Florida,) but no one is taking your fucking guns.

it's for home protection against Godzilla
Don’t judge; there have been several Cloverfields stomping around Florida lately.


People want to make more flipping burgers, than soldiers who risk their lives. Thank God this is almost over, my eyes are about to fall out of my head. Ok, yes, people that work minimum wage jobs would like to make more money. That’s obvious enough. Don’t most people want to make more money than what they’re making now? Is that wrong ? I’m really at a loss on this one. How this relates to soldiers not making enough money, I totally don’t understand. Do you want to take a pay-cut so other people can make more money? No? Me either. Soldiers’ pay and the economics of fast-food are far from mutually exclusive. Oh, and not to be reductive, but including their pay, a lot of soldiers clothes, food, lodging, and utilities are either fully or partially paid by the military, which should be taken into account when talking about their salaries. Not saying they don’t deserve it, but it’s a concession paid for (because of how much we respect the danger of the job) by the taxpayers, which includes those same minimum wage earners. If you’re that concerned and angry about the treatment of our troops perhaps you should be a little more upset with a guy that started two never-ending wars

In this case, “mission” and “accomplished” are totally subjective.


And this is still my fault ?


No, of course George “The Animal Bush” isn’t totally responsible for all those woes. No one person is. But isn’t that the point?

Wait, that’s right: all or nothing.



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